Not-So-Social Butterfly (Do you relate?)

I’ve never been a super social, outgoing person. On the inside I really wish I could be, but that just isn’t me. Walking into a room full of people excites some people; not me. It makes my anxiety go haywire. I want to find the nearest person I know for that sense of security. Strangers scare me. I am horrible at introductions. They always feel awkward. I hate small talk. It feels so impersonal and limits the conversation so much. There’s only so long you can talk about the weather, and when you ask someone how they are doing or how they’re week is going, quite often you just get a simple, “Okay” or “Pretty good”. That doesn’t exactly lead to a long conversation. So new people scare me because I simply don’t know what to talk about. I want to skip over the awkward introductions and small talk and sit down and have a real conversation, with some substance to it. I want to know how your day really went; I want to know your dreams, your struggles, your passions. Then I can talk to you forever. It’s hard to get to that place, though, because usually you must get through the beginning stages first.

It’s hard to explain to people that you like being around them, but you don’t always want to talk. Sometimes you just want to be with them, listen to them, and watch their reactions to things. Sometimes talking just isn’t easy, or there simply isn’t anything you want to say. I also find myself inside my head a lot. I am perfectly content being off in my own little world thinking about whatever, but to everyone else I look quiet and lonely. I am honestly fine, though. No, there’s nothing wrong. This is just me. I don’t constantly need to be talking and interacting with other people. Although I enjoy it to an extent, it’s draining for me. Some days are harder than others, too. Some days I may be much more talkative than other days. Why? I am not quite sure. There are just days I would rather be left alone. I might not mind being around you, just don’t expect me to do a lot of talking.

Phone calls terrify me. Please text or e-mail me. Don’t ask me why, I just hate talking on the phone. Please don’t show up at my house unannounced, either. I need to mentally prepare for people to come over and even then, I get anxious before people do come over. I just want everything to be perfect and I want to say the right things and I get nervous about it. Once people arrive and the evening starts, I’m good. Leading up to it, though, not so much.

The bright side of being an introvert, I’d much rather listen to you talk than talk myself. I want to learn about you. I get along well with extroverts because they like to talk, and I don’t. I do talk sometimes, though, so don’t talk nonstop for like an hour without taking a breath, either! Just know I will listen, really listen, and I do care.

Ask me questions. You may not always get long answers, but sometimes you might. I am not likely to offer information. I don’t want to bother you with my junk. If you ask, however, I assume you are okay listening to me.

I love words. I love writing. I love song lyrics. These are expressions most dear to me. It’s an outlet for so many introverts who cannot verbalize what they are going through any other way. Words are beautiful. Music is beautiful. It’s how I express myself. It’s where I feel most at home. If you ask me to speak in front of people, I will begrudgingly do it and do my best, though I’m no professional speaker. Ask me to write something, however, I will put my heart and soul on a page for all to read. It’s easier to write something and have people read it when you aren’t around then to say it to their faces. And there’s more time to consider what you want to say. Face-to-face interactions are intimidating because you don’t have time to think as much as you do with writing something. I overthink everything, words don’t always come out right and that makes me more nervous. Writing lets you organize your thoughts and say what you really want to say.

I love being in nature. The peacefulness and calm that comes from being in nature never ceases to amaze and recharge me. It’s when I feel close to God and feel the rest of the world’s problems fade away. My favorite days are ones spent in nature with my husband and two children.

I guess I’m writing this hoping to give someone else who feels the same way comfort in knowing they aren’t the only one. That it’s okay to feel this way. There’s nothing wrong with being a not-so-social butterfly. We all express ourselves differently, whether it be through talking, writing, singing, drawing, painting, etc. Do what you’re passionate about. Express yourself. Be yourself. Don’t let anyone tell you that being different or being uncomfortable in certain social situations makes you less than or broken. You are made in God’s image. He made you this way for a reason. You need only to embrace yourself and your uniqueness and express that in a positive way. You’ll soon realize you will have a huge impact on those around you.

Don’t give up on yourself. Just be you!

Best wishes,

Amy Ruble
Freelance Blogger

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